Naughty or Dirty?

* Acknowledgment: My thoughts below are written from a heterosexual perspective and from my heterosexual experiences.


I hear from men all the time that what they want most is a lady by day and a freak in the sheets at night. I think a lot of women think similarly. There’s nothing sexier to me than a chivalrous gentleman who won’t hesitate to spank my ass at night.

That said, some folks are out here “hoing” at unbelievable levels. I have heard the Tinder stories, folks are living their best sexual lives in the 1-9.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to seem judgmental. I think it’s great if you’re comfortable with your body and sex. I’m envious of that sexual freedom. I’m working hard to be more sex positive after so many years of conditioned shame.

And I don’t know if it’s the religious influence imprinted on my soul, but I just think that there’s a line between naughty and dirty that I don’t want to cross —not for myself and not in the selection of the men that I’m dating.

Naughty is a desirable characteristic to me. It means being open sexually and even experimental. It’s being comfortable with your kinky but also refined and a bit circumspect. Being mature and composed enough to avoid unnecessary risks with your health and safety is important, especially if you’re “dating” multiple people.

Dirty is fucking at every opportunity presented.

Dirty is fucking first and thinking later. It’s thinking she/he looks clean so I don’t need to practice safe sex this time. Dirty is willing to gamble every time… for a piece.

So I have a question for you guys and gals. Do you think there’s a difference between naughty and dirty? If so, how do you determine if someone you’re thinking of dating is naughty or dirty?

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12 thoughts on “Naughty or Dirty?

  1. You know, I don’t follow every account on Twitter that follows me. Some say it’s just manners to follow back, but I look at what they say of themselves, what they post. Will adding their feed to mine entertain me, make me think, inspire me, arouse me?

    Naughty is like that. Wrapping my arms, my lips, my thoughts around bodies belonging to those who make me feel alive in every way.

    Dirty is opening myself up to every jerk.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Interesting question. To my mind, being naughty or/and dirty has always been driven by desire. Desiring someone in a very intense way can make a person want to do sexual things in a way that intensifies the feeling they have, which could result in dirty rather than naughty sex. As long as it’s consensual, dirty feelings or dirty sex can be all consuming and very satisfying.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I appreciate your perspective on dirty sex. The way you describe it makes it sound deep and memorable.

      It may be just semantics hanging me up. And as you say, I think consent is key. I recently listened to a podcast called Dirty John and the guy was a womanizer and swindler, but came by his nickname in college based on stories of his sexual escapades with many women. No one interviewed would repeat those stories because they were too salacious. I have no doubt that he found this dirty sex to be very fulfilling. He in fact sought it out regularly. I just wonder if the women would feel the same satisfaction if they actually knew the truth. I think by lying about his sexual exploits to all these women, he took away their ability to truly consent.

      Perhaps dirty sex, however defined, is just another level of sexual freedom and positivity.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I think I would’ve defined “dirty” differently before I read your post. I think “naughty” is like using a double entendre or euphemism instead of “dirty” which just says fuck explicitly. “Dirty” doesn’t have the same negative connotations to me, it’s just not as refined.

    None the less, I can accept your definition and it’s obviously not a good quality because the dirty person puts their partners at needless risk.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I’ve heard dirty used without the negative connotation that I assigned it. I just keep running into these prospective dates that come across as something more sinister than naughty. Dirty just kept popping in my mind but there’s probably a better word. Ultimately, I’m probably judging them too harshly, but it’s just very undesirable.

      Like

  4. I think that line is helpful as well. It can be too consuming otherwise. I suppose it might work for some, but I think sex and fantasy and fantasy becoming reality, and exploring new things sexually are more enjoyable when there is some space in between. I also agree that there is a huge difference between dirty and naughty. Dirty sex is as you describe…its not really so nice. I’d rather have some naughty time with someone where it ‘gets’ a little dirty perhaps, but still bound by boundaries.

    Liked by 1 person

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