Today, I Cried Like a Toddler

Warning ⚠️ Big girl panties up ahead!

Guys often reach out to me because of my blog and erotic stories. They tell me how they love confident women. They tell me how they wish they could meet a woman like me who knows who she is and what she wants…

Ummm…

*looks around*

Let me share a little secret with you…

This couldn’t be further from the truth. I (me, Patty, the one writing) struggle with feelings of self worth every goddamn day.

Phew. Feels so good to let it out!

The truth is that I blame every problem that happens on the fact that I’m not good enough, not smart enough, not skinny enough, not pretty enough… just not enough.

My blog takes me out of the prison of my mind to a place where I can imagine and create characters who are sexy and more confident, despite maybe having some of my same character flaws or challenges. They’re out here living their best life, while I’m usually at home sulking irl.

Well, maybe not usually, but sometimes.

I miss my Sir… so much. Just a brief text exchange today and I cried after… cried myself asleep actually. It’s good, like an emotional three year old, I really needed a nap!

I woke up with greater clarity about spending this time “alone” to work on my feelings of self worth… to dig deep and find what I love about myself… to do the hard work of eradicating those negative thoughts and replacing them with a focus on achieving my goals and embracing the me I am today.

I’ve always said sometimes a good cry is the best medicine for what ails you. But after my cry, I gotta get up and put my big girl panties on and get to work!

Picture of big girl panties included for your amusement. Yes, I have them! 😂

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If this post resonates, I’d love to hear from you. Please like, comment, or share. 🙏🏾💛

14 thoughts on “Today, I Cried Like a Toddler

  1. So many of us feel confident only in spurts—or not at all. You do project confidence in most of your posts. So I’m going to make an assumption: there is a confident woman hiding inside of you trying to make herself known. Now you only have to figure out how to make that happen.
    Wishing you the best! Hugs!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I wrote a poem early last year called ‘I Miss You.’ One line that always resonates with me is that I’m only confident on Fridays. It’s funny but also kinda true… not that it’s actually only on Fridays but yes I have those occasions where I am feeling better about myself and I can embody the confidence that usually alludes me.

      Here’s what I think… Confidence comes from loving yourself and who you are, despite your flaws. For me, and maybe for most, I carry around voices that amplify my flaws and devalue me because of them. What I’ve learned is that these are often voices of criticism and hatred from our childhood/past that we have held onto and now reflect on regularly. It’s not healthy and those messages aren’t true.

      Somedays, I can understand what’s happening clearly and as you say the confident woman hiding inside can break through. Most days, the trouble is she listens to the criticism and hate like an old Motown record playing on repeat with voices that were never her own and she believes the lies.

      So I think I understand it, I just have to work hard to overcome it, every day. Thanks for your encouragement and hugs! 🤗

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That old adage “sticks and stones…” is so wrong. I think the most hurt comes from words. And they stick long after the body has healed itself of the injuries/sores from physical abuse. I wish you well in trying to put them behind you. Honestly you are intelligent, and with the little glimpses you’ve shown us, beautiful. Your writing shows a mind that is very inviting and a great sense of humour. So I would say you have a lot to be confident about.

        Liked by 1 person

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