UPDATE: This weekend away had to be postponed, so I’m still looking forward to this new experience.
In general, pain sucks. If you’ve ever spent time at a hospital they ask you to rate your pain with a likert scale so that they can determine how to eliminate it. When you’re in so much pain, it can be hard to relax and hard for your body to heal. But, pain can also teach us many things.
For example, from pain, we can learn what to avoid, what are our limits, how much we can manage, and how to focus. A lot of people stop with that first lesson and spend their whole life avoiding pain. It sounds pretty comfortable — a life without pain– until you realize that you can spend your whole life in pursuit of the absence of painful things, or running away, instead of focusing on the presence of beautiful things, or running towards.
Beautiful experiences are sometimes entangled with painful ones. We look at it and say, how much do I want to lose that weight, lower my blood pressure, save for that trip, or even pursue love? There’s good in it all, but it will cost you… pain.
Even knowing that doesn’t stop me from coasting in pain avoidance mode for a time. Some days, I’m just not ready to learn. I’m not willing to show up and do the work because life took a chunk out of me already and right then, I just want to stop and lick my wounds.
That said, I also have moments when I’m ready to run full sprint into the pain of a new experience. Why? Because there’s pain in complacency as well. So, if I have to pick my poison, as they say, then many times when I’ve hit the threshold of hearing my brain complain about life, I will push through the pain to get to a new place.
This weekend, I’m going to try a new sexual experience. I’m thinking of having anal sex for the first time. It could be painful but it may also be very pleasurable and rewarding. Of course, I’m nervous about it, but my partner is very patient and attentive.
I’m not sure why I’m writing about it on my blog except that it’s a very real part of my journey and although I recently wrote an anal sex scene, I’ve never actually experienced anal sex, which is ok. People can write about things they haven’t ever experienced. It just takes a little research, imagination, and creativity. Voila!
Like I said, I’m nervous, but excited all at the same time. I’ve fantasized about anal penetration since my twenties but felt maybe it was one of those fantasies best left in my mind because the actual experience might never be able to match that idea and no need to ruin a fantasy, right?
I guess as we’ve opened our marriage, I’ve opened my mind a bit more. Certainly, exploring BDSM has brought me to learn about things I never knew even existed. I’m working towards being more sex positive and embracing the pleasure that comes through many different sexual expressions. Who knew this chocolate girl was so vanilla?
Counting down to the weekend!
What pain are you willing or excited to experience sexually? Are you challenging yourself to try new positions or toys?