I’m not sure exactly what I’m writing about today, but I knew I wanted the title of my post to be “foolish mistake.”
That is what I was recently told I was making by not clearing room in my life to date this guy.
I don’t think it was/is a mistake (let alone a foolish one), but I understand disappointment when someone says you’re not quite my cup of tea.
Transitions are painful. And the more time you’ve spent with a person, cultivating a relationship, the more painful it is to see it come to an end.
I used to beat up on myself in relationship transitions. I would wonder what I did wrong and how I could do better the next time.
I would think… next time, I won’t be so open, or even next time, I’ll be more open! Then, one day, I had a discussion with a friend and she asked me, “Do you like who you are?”
After a long thoughtful pause, I said, “Yes, of course! I’m a good person. I’m not perfect, but no one is.”
So she said, “Why would you try to change that? Just be who you are. If someone doesn’t like it or they find some major fault, then just maybe he’s not the best fit for you. And that’s ok, it doesn’t mean you have to change.”
I had always lived in this perpetual state of self-awareness with an unrelenting internal nagging about being perfect, like Jesus. That was literally my goal for so many years, to be perfect like Jesus.
Talk about falling short…
But I have been blessed with really wise friends who have helped me through many life transitions, not just relationships, and I’ve learned a lot.
Perfectionism is hard to shake, but now, I try to strive for excellence, not perfection. It’s ok to want to be excellent, but it’s impossible to be perfect — so don’t set yourself up for failure!
And, while I’m meeting new people and learning more about myself, I will definitely make some mistakes and have misunderstandings because I’m human. But it would only be foolish if I thought things would be perfect in the first place… or if I never learned the lessons from the first half of my life in order to apply them now.
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