For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a bit of a busy body. I love learning new things, and not just in school, but in every aspect of life.
My mom, a single mom, taught me two things really well: question everything and don’t trust men! That said, I’ve been like a moth to a flame when it comes to men. 🔥
I’m very drawn to these curious creatures, but also afraid of getting burned. I want to trust that the things I see and hear are what they appear to be, but over the years, I’ve learned why mom warned me off of these shape-shifters. Lol. Sorry guys!
Be with them, be near them, befriend them, but never trust them.
I have had beautiful friendships with men over the years, and I’ve also let my guard down and got stung — bad. But like I said, I love learning new things. Sometimes, I’ve had to learn the hard way and sometimes the lessons took much longer than they should have.
This brings me to my recent BDSM Test results as I evaluate how I scored a perfect 100% as a brat. WTH?
I’ve only recently been introduced to the term, though I’ve previously referred to myself as sassy, spicy, and even feisty! Exploring these characteristics within the BDSM community will quickly lead to comments about Doms not liking brats because they are seen as rude and disrespectful. Ugggh! Soul crush! But I want to experience being submissive (84% of me to be exact)! How can these two seemingly opposing characteristics co-exists?
My first take at understanding this dynamic within myself is that it comes down to trust. Maybe because of my upbringing (thanks mom 😜), or maybe due to some of my early sexual experiences, or maybe a bit of both, but trust is really hard for me to relinquish in romantic relationships. I think my bratty tendencies probably flare up in instances where I’m testing my lovers’ trustworthiness.
I also think there’s the primal prey piece of me that just enjoys being chased or pursued. This might present as brattiness to a certain extent, but persistence, consistency, strength and patience has helped me to open up with some.
Just thinking out loud…