Anxiety

I’m in a new world. One I know nothing about.

I just arrived. And everything looks and sounds so different from where I was before.

It’s exciting being the new kid — and it’s scary too. I remember the feeling from when I was a child, moving often and starting a new school each time. Would I make new friends easily or have to fight like hell just to keep up?

This new world is terrifying, almost like a new school.

Everyone seems nice enough, but at any moment you could get punched… in the face… by a friend.

I don’t understand the coded language. I don’t get the undertones. I think I’m missing the joke… maybe I am the joke.

Anxiety. Feels like I could choke on it. It’s playing on my mind, churning in my stomach, and grasping at my throat all at the same time.

Talking helps, but I risk saying too much.

One thing. One glass. Red or white with bubbles. The moment it’s on my lips and I swallow, I can breath again. My brain slows down and my stomach subsides.

It’s like Google Translator for this world of infidelity, secret meetings, dark corners, and shade, lots of shade.

I hold my translator in my hand, trembling, hoping she doesn’t betray me. Point me out as the new girl, an oddball, an outcast. Fuck her, she’s not down with us!! Fuck her! Fuck her. Fuck. Her.

.

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Image by Pixabay

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